Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve.

Have you ever wonder how life would be if you had no family to care for you, no friends to share your grief, happiness and no dreams to chase for?
It would be an empty life.
I have been blessed with incredible family, and psychotic friends always cracking jokes on me; how nutshell my brain is!
But there are times in your life where you feel you’re lost in a maze and no matter how hard you try to find a way, to cope; your attempts are restless. That’s how I feel as If I am in a labyrinth and there’s no way out of it. My all hopes and dreams are lost in this winter solstice.
“Under the mistletoe” by Justin Beiber is playing on my iPod reminding me that today is Christmas Eve.

Rule 13

Try not to resist the changes, which come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come? – Shams Of Tabriz

I have been to church this morning singing Christmas carols and wishing everyone around. It’s joyous down here. Gives me kinda hope that everything is alright. But I only know bequeath me the fear of unknown.
When it comes to memory there are three categories: things I want to forget, things I can’t forget, and things I forgot I’d forgotten until I remember them.
I can’t think of a moment when I have broken form, become another version of myself that I want and need to forget. I am always the same. If you’ve met me you know me; there’s not much more of me accept I read more like a maniac always have head into a book because that’s what keeps me going. It keeps me alive or barely alive I should say.
I follow the rules of who I know myself to be and can’t seem to be anything else, not even in the moments of great stress when surely a meltdown would be acceptable. I think this is why I admire it so much in others and I remember what they choose to forget.
I am good at reading another person’s eyes. They let me knows their dark fears, their dreams and hopes. Every day when I look at myself in the mirror. I see a pair of golden brown eyes staring at me. When I try to read them, all I can see is nothingness. I never look at my reflection anymore. It scares me.
I wish I could explain you this feeling of numbness. I could have given everything I had to find the sunshine bristling on my hair, my skin and my eyes; making me feel alive. But I have nothing to give; believe my soul. And if you could take my soul I would be grateful from the bottom of my heart.
Out of character? No. I fully believe that even a sudden change in a person’s behavior is within the confines of their nature. That part of us is present the whole time, lying dormant, just waiting for its moment to be revealed.
Including me.

Merry Christmas!

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Pankti.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today

Present a gift or curse?

How many people wake up every morning?  Aimlessly, wondering what do they truly want from their life? Well talking about people would be a little paranoiac because among them I am the one living creature who really doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life.

I have a confused persona one moment I want to learn French while another play guitar! I have the most veering mind anyone could ever deal with! Well, the most confused personas are the one who really just don’t wake up aimlessly and sip their cup of coffee. They ponder, over analyze and work on their dreams.

Our decision reflects us who we are in the outer world. Be it good decision or really a bad one; who is gonna give a shit about it?! Well, we do.

Always so obsessed about what society expects us to be, we gradually forget who we really are. I wonder why people always want us to forget our past and move on. As if nothing happen to the part of suffering we have been through! Some memories are burn while some are bliss. At this age I rarely recall my childhood days or primary school friends. Human memory is weak, forgetful.  And so we are forgetting our real charms.

What it feels like to be free like a bird!? Souring in open sky; even a bird has to be through rough damn weather during migration. That is how human life is. Endlessly running! We are never good at appreciating what we have at present but unsatisfied for the luxury we don’t possess.  That’s what makes us humans a futurist!

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We are so obsessed by our future plans and terrified by our past; that somewhere in the middle of nowhere we forget we have today. I feel time is running slow, while you are the one running fast. Missing your life, your relations; barely alive yet not living. Why? Just because you hope your future will be peaceful? I don’t think so; I believe in today because it helps me to keep on going whatever the future beheld for me. You should definitely hear this piece of music “Today is the day” by Ellen DeGeneres.

“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”
John Green, Looking for Alaska

I don’t know what tomorrow may bring for you; but I am sure you can live today. Make this very day count. Make this very year count.

Today is the only day.

Live.

Be happy.

Thousands of Milestone..

What to say? When there is no explanation.

I’ve been wandering for miles and miles; In search of answers…

My body aches with pain. As I look back; I can see my footprints. How far have I reached?

I keep walking forlornly.

Just one word escapes my lips : mercy.

My dreams are my soul to survive.

I believe someday I’ll live it! People criticized me and let me down;

But I promise to never quit. After so many years my heart is at peace;

Today my eyes are warm with poised tears. My memories’ of struggle flashes up;

And somewhere I know it’s all worth.

Time is melancholy.

My vision is now a reality.

Some where a part of me grew up; Where a few shreds of my soul died.

That’s how life goes on; image Just

believe.

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