Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve.

Have you ever wonder how life would be if you had no family to care for you, no friends to share your grief, happiness, and no dreams to chase for?
It would be an empty life.
I have been blessed with incredible family, and psychotic friends always cracking jokes on me; how nutshell my brain is!
But there are times in your life where you feel you’re lost in a maze and no matter how hard you try to find a way, to cope; your attempts are restless. That’s how I feel as If I am in a labyrinth and there’s no way out of it. My all hopes and dreams are lost in this winter solstice.
“Under the Mistletoe” by Justin Beiber is playing on my iPod reminding me that today is Christmas Eve.

Rule 13

Try not to resist the changes, which come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come? – Shams Of Tabriz

I have been to church this morning singing Christmas carols and wishing everyone around. It’s joyous down here. Gives me kinda hope that everything is alright. But I only know to bequeath me the fear of the unknown.
When it comes to memory there are three categories: things I want to forget, things I can’t forget, and things I forgot I’d forgotten until I remember them.
I can’t think of a moment when I have broken form, become another version of myself that I want and need to forget. I am always the same. If you’ve met me you know me; there’s not much more of me accept I read more like a maniac always have head into a book because that’s what keeps me going. It keeps me alive or barely alive I should say.
I follow the rules of who I know myself to be and can’t seem to be anything else, not even in the moments of great stress when surely a meltdown would be acceptable. I think this is why I admire it so much in others and I remember what they choose to forget.
I am good at reading another person’s eyes. They let me knows their dark fears, their dreams and hopes. Every day when I look at myself in the mirror. I see a pair of golden brown eyes staring at me. When I try to read them, all I can see is nothingness. I never look at my reflection anymore. It scares me.
I wish I could explain to you this feeling of numbness. I could have given everything I had to find the sunshine bristling on my hair, my skin, and my eyes; making me feel alive. But I have nothing to give; believe my soul. And if you could take my soul I would be grateful from the bottom of my heart.
Out of character? No. I fully believe that even a sudden change in a person’s behavior is within the confines of their nature. That part of us is present the whole time, lying dormant, just waiting for its moment to be revealed.
Including me.

Merry Christmas!

























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