Present a gift or curse?

How many people wake up every morning?  Aimlessly, wondering what do they truly want from their life? Well talking about people would be a little paranoiac because among them I am the one living creature who really doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life.

I have a confused persona one moment I want to learn French while another play guitar! I have the most veering mind anyone could ever deal with! Well, the most confused personas are the one who really just don’t wake up aimlessly and sip their cup of coffee. They ponder, over analyze and work on their dreams.

Our decision reflects us who we are in the outer world. Be it good decision or really a bad one; who is gonna give a shit about it?! Well, we do.

Always so obsessed about what society expects us to be, we gradually forget who we really are. I wonder why people always want us to forget our past and move on. As if nothing happen to the part of suffering we have been through! Some memories are burn while some are bliss. At this age I rarely recall my childhood days or primary school friends. Human memory is weak, forgetful.  And so we are forgetting our real charms.

What it feels like to be free like a bird!? Souring in open sky; even a bird has to be through rough damn weather during migration. That is how human life is. Endlessly running! We are never good at appreciating what we have at present but unsatisfied for the luxury we don’t possess.  That’s what makes us humans a futurist!


We are so obsessed by our future plans and terrified by our past; that somewhere in the middle of nowhere we forget we have today. I feel time is running slow, while you are the one running fast. Missing your life, your relations; barely alive yet not living. Why? Just because you hope your future will be peaceful? I don’t think so; I believe in today because it helps me to keep on going whatever the future beheld for me. You should definitely hear this piece of music “Today is the day” by Ellen DeGeneres.

“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”
John Green, Looking for Alaska

I don’t know what tomorrow may bring for you; but I am sure you can live today. Make this very day count. Make this very year count.

Today is the only day.


Be happy.


Substance Abuse: Drug Addiction

Youth has been subjected to abuse; Drug abuse is no different than the rest. Definition of drug precisely given in scientific terms by University of Maryland, Medical center is somewhat like this : “substance used is the continued use of alcohol, illegal drugs, or the misuse of prescription or over-the-counter drugs with negative consequences.” Statistics all over the globe shows increase in usage of drugs amongst teens, high school pupil, and young adults. Results and consequences of this abuse is primitive to narcissistic behavior amongst person addicted to drugs.

Teenage is considered to be very difficult period of a person’s life. It is a vulnerable time as teens attempt to navigate the precarious bridge between childhood and adulthood. On the one hand, adolescence is the age for new exploration. There is no argument, its perfectly natural to try new things out of curiosity, such as getting high or drunk for the first time. Others would regardless agree that the adolescent, having a lack of maturity aren’t prepared for the consequences that follow later. Peer pressure, curiosity, boredom, ignorance, rebellion etc. are few factors that make one’s addict.


Clare Stamford of University College London, who studies the biochemical process of addiction, says: “People continue to take drugs because they like what the drugs do and want to keep on taking more. Unfortunately, people keep taking drugs because if they don’t, they get plummeted into a withdrawal syndrome which can be uncomfortable and life threatening.”

Modern treatments for addiction don’t just involve telling people to stop. The addict’s brain always wants more. In many countries, heroin addicts are given the drug methadone as a replacement. In theory, users gradually reduce the dose until they’re no longer addicted to anything, but many remain on methadone, replacing one addictive drug with another.

However, It is sad that even after most effective and prolonged treatment many people goes back on drugs again. It is proclaimed that such people have an addictive personality.

There are successful stories and even if someone can’t give up completely, by being able to seek treatment they’re at least regaining some self-esteem and an alternative to spending the day trying to get the money for the next quick fix.


National Addiction Center (UK)

World Health Organization Substance Abuse Department

University of Maryland, Medical Center



Someone once said: “youth offers the promise of happiness, but life offers the realities of grief.”

When you look at the sky, you see the endless blue ocean. You try to figure out where it would end, and your rational mind would say “silly, blue is infinite!” That’s what our human life is like; stages from childhood to old age and in the end one last ragged breath,  before our body would go limp.

Being adult is difficult, harsh sometimes.

Every morning, when I open my eyes to the so called new day, I feel like closing them again and stay in bed. I want to curl up into a ball and forget what lies ahead of me. But, I get up anyway, and start my day; wishing for things to only get better.

I have got a busy life and routine from Monday to Friday. I am a sane person and I know what I want from my life, but there is this void growing inside me as a young woman.

One day I was over my best friend’s place, we were hanging out together catching up on what was going on each other’s life. Out of blue, she asked me: “Pankti, are you happy?” I was puzzled by her intensity to read me so clearly. Yes, I was happy I told her. I had a loving family, friends and I was good at my academics. Life seems pretty much relaxed and smooth.

Later, that night I couldn’t sleep I was turning and twisting in my bed. Too tired to fall asleep, I was wide awake; thinking about my happiness.  I was not the same excited young girl when I was at 15. I didn’t laugh that very often. I was busy thinking how many people counted on me. I felt responsible for not letting down the people who loved me. And somewhere in the middle of that, I lost myself. Sometimes growing up means you have to take the responsibility, you have to raise a kid, be a parent, work. Adulthood is indeed the most complicated phase of one’s life. Many people have so much stress of work and pressure to exceed in excellence that they have to survive on anti-depressant pills.

If I think in a logical sense, being adult means I have to behave in a certain way .I have to be good at what I do. Eh? But I don’t think so, I think youth is a beautiful phase of life where we get our heart broken, we make mistakes but in the end, we grow. We all have regrets deep inside our heart. Things we can’t undo. Words, once said, cannot be taken back.


“When a child first catches adults out — when it first walks into his grave little head that adults do not always have divine intelligence, that their judgments are not always wise, their thinking true, their sentences just — his world falls into panic desolation. The gods are fallen and all safety gone. And there is one sure thing about the fall of gods: they do not fall a little; they crash and shatter or sink deeply into green muck. It is a tedious job to build them up again; they never quite shine. And the child’s world is never quite whole again. It is an aching kind of growing.”
John Steinbeck, East of Eden


And believe me, there are nights where each of us questions our purpose on this earth. We question our beliefs and there is no shame if you are confused; if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. That’s just fine. Because sometimes we just have to go with the flow to experience the zest of this journey.

I don’t know what adulthood would promise you, but I assure you that each of us has the capability to challenge our beliefs, to grow, to dream and to love.

Happy adulthood!



Death and Legacy

Shannon.L Alder once said “carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the mind of others and the stories they share about you.”


I was six, when I asked my mother, “What does death mean mommy?”  she answered “ death is not when you stop breathing sweetheart and the person you love walks to heaven , death is when you are reborn , breathing or not. ” I didn’t get her words back then neither I  do now. I have read about death, loss and rebirth stuff in religion or novels. But when it comes to my real life I have seen my grandmother died. I have seen her stop breathing that made me understood death is just a term to describe when a person’s heart fails his or her system.


I have been told to live as if today would be my last day. Every day I live I think of what I want to  be remembered for. I am not afraid of my life ending the very next moment. That is easy for me to say because maybe I don’t have cancer or I don’t have a doctor telling me how much my life expectancy is.  On a serious note I want you to ask yourself one question.


Are you afraid of death?

What would you do if you had this very day to be alive? Would you tell people you love what they meant to you? Would you eat your favorite cuisine or read your favorite book one last time? Would you apologize for your mistakes?

If you ask me I don’t have a damn answer of above questions I asked you. Because I don’t know. I don’t know what it feels like to be dying. I don’t know how much agony it causes to know someone you love will be gone. And never again you are gonna hear them talk or hold their hand. There is someone out there fighting for each breath at the moment.


I want to leave my legacy behind. Most of us wants to. But apart from being remembered, I want to touch lives of many. I want people to come out of their shell. To stop doubting and question their existence. Because each one of us has right to be vulnerable. we fight with ourselves and we die. Our system doesn’t fail us. But our fears and regrets do. They are part of who we are . Our mistakes   makes us stronger.

Some of you may won’t be afraid of death. But I am . I don’t want to be dead while I am still breathing. At times, this life can be hard or unfair and things won’t work out the way it should. But believe me, there is something  far better waiting for you ahead.

When you truly love someone , you are afraid to lose that person . I have trust issues when it comes to lose control over my emotion and let someone in. because once I loved and I got my heart-broken . I am not afraid to get my heart broken but I am scared to face emptiness and darkness all over again.

You may think I have a weak heart. I used to at least. But now sometimes my action hurt people around me. I didn’t want to be cold-hearten but life forces you to take whatever it does for survival. If you had met me in a person you would have known me as every teenage girl. But when you ask yourself; who you are ? You won’t get answers. You won’t get clarity that you want.

I am not afraid of death. But I am scared of future. I am scared of letting someone close and get my barely healed heart get wounded again. I may be distant sometimes but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I really do. But sometimes you just need time to figure out who you are and what you want to be.

Make sure you get all your answers before summer ends. Because I am not yet giving up on death . I am gonna breathe and live.


Have a good summer.0e593a7df521c3d932480c867dfe114d

Love ,





Searching For Answers.

My dear reader,
Have you ever felt lost? Not knowing where life is leading you and you have made all sorts of plans for your future. I tend to worry sometimes that all the happy plans I have planned out for my future ain’t enough. I need to do more. Not that I have to prove to anyone my capabilities of survival.
There are days where I would get up in the morning, have my favorite cup of black coffee, just a little bit darker. There’s little warmness in my chest that makes me think, everything is gonna work out the way it should.
You see my dear reader; I have a nature to control my life. There’s this saying go with the flow. I can’t easily lose control; it scares the shit out of me.



My frustration is simple to define. I can’t keep up with the act of faking. People pretend all the time and they lie. I lie because it’s the easiest thing to do when my words fail to explain the war that has been going inside my heart. That’s what summer does me. I am not trying to live. I am just alive. Breathing, I am empty inside. Just empty.
In order to fit into the society and chasing my career, I have failed my attempts to be genuine with myself. Even smiling at a stranger these days seems to take a load of guts to do.

Yesterday I was at my favorite coffee bar, reading THE HISTORIAN by Elizabeth Kostova on my e-reader. It was a moment of solitude that I enjoy. That feeling of escaping the reality and imagining the story that may seem mere fiction to you.
My favorite time of day is dawn because that’s the most silent hour of the day where people aren’t rushing around. The beautiful sunrise, when it shines; it’s just another fine day.
I have been distant lately from everyone I love, but that’s just okay. I am lost and I need to find myself. I need to find my purpose. So one day when I’ll wake up, I no longer have to question my life, I’ll have my answers.
I am going to ask you now. Have you ever felt lost? Because if you haven’t its time to look inside yourself and take a break to make sure you are alive. And not just living.

Have a good summer.


The New WOMEN!

My Dear Women,

I have been up lately reading many speeches and blogs on feminism and modernization. Feminism is a second-rate word. I was reading a blog on female abduction, homosexuality, and gender equality, a man commented: “Women are a cheap product in modern civilization.” That made me question how can men compare females to “cheap product”? Just to show off their masculinity?

Maybe women are depicted as a product of submission because they are easily accessible to men. This is a disgrace to our society. Innumerable organizations including the UN are working for women development, empowerment, and gender equality. For this purpose, it has initiated #HEFORSHE. But, is this worth it if the individual is not ready to change his mentality towards the emphasized gender.

A woman is a product that gets torn between her personal, professional and social life, yet she tries to put up a good show. Every other night she gets beaten up by her drunken husband and she is sore when she wakes up in the morning. She is the one who gets sold and forced into prostitution because her father has to pay his gambling debts; a custom that our society thinks is filthy and taboo. She is not allowed to go to school because she is supposed to marry and raise a child at a tender age of 15. At work, she faces many sexual threats and insecurities.

Every woman gets raped emotionally on a daily basis, loses her self-esteem, to prove to herself that she is worthy to be accepted by the society. You don’t need physical strength to harm her because she is strangled and beaten up by male ego.

“It’s probably not just by chance that I’m alone. It would be very hard for a man to live with me, unless he’s terribly strong. And if he’s stronger than I, I’m the one who can’t live with him. … I’m neither smart nor stupid, but I don’t think I’m a run-of-the-mill person. I’ve been in business without being a businesswoman, I’ve loved without being a woman made only for love. The two men I’ve loved, I think, will remember me, on earth or in heaven, because men always remember a woman who caused them concern and uneasiness. I’ve done my best, in regard to people and to life, without precepts, but with a taste for justice.”
― Coco Chanel

“If men don’t have to be controlled, women won’t have to be controlled,” says Emma Watson in her UN speech. Not every woman has a right to free will even today.

Both men and women should feel free to express their emotions. Men are expected to be strong, aggressive and “MACHO”, however, they have the same right to feel vulnerable. Men don’t have the benefits of gender equality either.

If we stop shredding fears of judgment towards each other and form a base of mutual understanding, we all will be liberated from this dilemma that makes us question our sexuality and our society. It’s all about freedom.


You might be thinking who am I, as an individual, to question gender inequality when there are various organizations and governments out there working on these issues; but believe me, nothing is going to change unless you and I decide to take a step towards being a little patient and understand the opposite sex.

This is the story of every teenage girl who secretly believes that she does not belong to the society and that she never will. It is the story of every woman who feels pressured to look a certain way, to adhere to an ideal behavior, and she doesn’t even understand why she is supposed to do so. It is the story of what it means to be a woman in a world that constantly discriminates and underestimates you just because of your gender.

I wrote this blog for all the women who never feel that they are good enough for this society. The person who is reading this, it’s not your fault, it was never your fault.

Let’s just do our part and take a solidarity movement for gender equality. I am #HEFORSHE. Click on the link given below and share this with all your friends and family. I am doing my part, are you?



Let’s start a conversation.



A Lie



Why do we take religion so seriously?

I am an atheist. I don’t believe in any particular religion or community. For me, there’s only one religion; ethics. I have my own set of rules and regulations that I follow to live my life. I believe in karma.

When a baby is born, he is named and labeled to a particular religion. He is taught communal difference of this world; the Do’s and don’ts. The difference between heaven and hell, good and evil, angel and demon. That’s merely an illusion of our human psychology; I believe.

It started when I was born,

Criticism of religion at once.

I am just a child of lord;

From birth, I was taught my ethics,

Thou I never understood the maze.

Questions were always on my tongue,

Biting my mind to never run.

Yes I know from where my roots are sown;

Thou I am taught the incarnation of names.

And ancestors who wrote Vedas to live with rules.

Yet my mind is racing to understand that cross…

No one answered me except to follow the path,

Restrictions are enforced to remind me where I am from,

But I still ask; what are those wars going in your heart?

God made heaven and earth, so he made you.

I ask you why is this different?

I am told if I do good karma, I will go to heaven;

It is a lethal lie,

Because the world is creation.

An illusion!

Am I a killer of my own ethics;

If I just ask you the history of cross and moon?

I don’t think so.

Because he never created any of this names.

Then why have we labeled his creation?

Oh universe here I am

May this world rest in peace,

May each one understand –

He never created any names.

This is my message to you

It doesn’t matter if you are black or white

Believer or non-believer,

You may go to heaven or hell,

He doesn’t rely on names we give to our demons.

Follow your divinity and soul

He lies within you

We are just material body

To experience this heaven(earth) created by him.

If I die young bury me beneath

A meadow; he gifted me a body

That will rot in this earth

Because I am an immortal soul.

This is all lie I say

Because I fear what demons say –

Of being a sinner and getting crucified

But somewhere I know I am right

Here I am

Saying the truth.

Yet some of you hate reality;

But a part of me believes;

That is what humans are sacrificed for.

– Pankti Shukla

Great Greek and roman philosopher have preached and written their thesis which are followed even now. What does philosophy in the literal sense mean? It means “love of wisdom”. Then why our human philosophies are so orthodox which doesn’t allow raising questions. And if you do have unorthodox opinions you are an outcast. Religion is whats causing a war in Syria, Racism against color and mercilessly killing off humankind.


Our demeanor towards our ethics determines our rectitude. I am not against any particular theology. My only mere grievance is let Humanism evolve. Let’s just stop judging a person on the grounds of this sophisticated rules and regulation that blindfold us. A cosmopolitan philosophy is far much peaceful than prejudiced one.


As a human being, you choose your own religion, believes and mortality. Be a theoretician of your own life.

Our world needs a linguistic ideology.





A Year!

A story to be told….

Another year comes to an end. Where we are entering a new fresh year. We are hopeful; we make plans, resolution and commitments. Promises to begin new and forget the mistakes of past. What if I say I can’t move on? I still ain’t sure for this upcoming year. I am scared.


Sometimes in life, you just wish to be frozen in a moment. You don’t want to move forward neither you want to look back at your past. Just stay there, in that particular moment of your life.

“… so this is for us.
This is for us who sing, write, dance, act, study, run and love
and this is for doing it even if no one will ever know
because the beauty is in the act of doing it.
Not what it can lead to.
This is for the times I lose myself while writing, singing, playing
and no one is around and they will never know
but I will forever remember
and that shines brighter than any praise or fame or glory I will ever have,
and this is for you who write or play or read or sing
by yourself with the light off and door closed
when the world is asleep and the stars are aligned
and maybe no one will ever hear it
or read your words
or know your thoughts
but it doesn’t make it less glorious.
It makes it ethereal. Mysterious.
For it belongs to you and whatever God or spirit you believe in
and only you can decide how much it meant
and means
and will forever mean
and other people will experience it too
through you.
Through your spirit. Through the way you talk.
Through the way you walk and love and laugh and care
and I never meant to write this long
but what I want to say is:
Don’t try to present your art by making other people read or hear or see or touch it; make them feel it. Wear your art like your heart on your sleeve and keep it alive by making people feel a little better. Feel a little lighter. Create art in order for yourself to become yourself
and let your very existence be your song, your poem, your story.
Let your very identity be your book.
Let the way people say your name sound like the sweetest melody.

So go create. Take photographs in the wood, run alone in the rain and sing your heart out high up on a mountain
where no one will ever hear
and your very existence will be the most hypnotising scar.
Make your life be your art
and you will never be forgotten.”
Charlotte Eriksson


I have made a To-Do list for this upcoming year, because life is short and I don’t wanna ruin my present worrying about my future and regretting my past. Holding back my fear of uncertainties; I am sure of one thing that no matter how hard you fall; you always get the strength to get up and fight.

If you could look from my perspective, I see this life as a gift to humankind. They say the soul is immortal, but our soul feels emotion. So does that means our feelings are immortal too? That’s bullshit right!?


It’s just another year. Every year has a story of tears, achievements, laugh, regret…. Emotions are immortal as soul. That’s what I believe. And somewhere you would feel the same.


What’s your story for this New Year? And what memories are you gonna cherish next New Year? It’s totally up to you!

Right now I am frozen in my moment of happiness, the moment of hope and a belief that life couldn’t be much perfect than it is; in this moment of the new year.


May you have a great story to share next New Year eve!